In March 2024 I read my Victim Impact Statement at my father’s sentencing hearing where he was served 27 years for 19 multiple offence charges. I breathed out like I’d been holding it for the 2 years leading up to that moment, although it was in fact a thirty year journey.
So when a young girl reached out to me as someone to talk to later in 2024, desperately wanting to report what had happened to her and her friends, but terrified of the unknown I wanted to share what I’d learnt. She knew my best friend and had confided in her and, my best friend knowing my desire to help everyone, told her my story and offered my listening ear and word of advice.
A few months before her, a colleague from work reached out. It’d come to light that his children had suffered abuse and he and his family were about to embark on their journey through this chaos. Only a few months prior to this coming out I’d been very public about my own journey and despite scouring the internet, he found I was the only person that might know the answers to some of his questions.
Years before that I watched my friend discover her husband had groomed her daughters and the system failed them all. There was no advice, support, or guidance and it was up to her loved ones to hold her up, help with the children she shared with him, and be there for her older girls who were embarking on their own journey of navigating childhood trauma.
There is almost no resource for victims of childhood trauma in the way I found I needed it, but also the way those around me needed it.
There is little to no resource for husbands, wives, parents, friends, children, or siblings.
There is nothing for children of offenders who weren’t victims themselves, but suffer their own pain and fears.
There is nothing for a friend or spouse who is suddenly thrust into support mode for their loved one but may experience triggers of their own past trauma.
There is nothing for a grandparent, a sibling, a child, an aunt or uncle.
There is nothing that answers some of the most obvious questions until you’re so far into the process you’re running on autopilot. Even in the process of prosecuting my father, I was asking questions to the professionals that even they didn’t have answers to.
I’m a very inquisitive person by nature. When my daughter was diagnosed with JIA (Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis) I wasn’t content with the leaflets and websites thrust upon me. I wanted to know everything. I joined all the groups, I became a volunteer, I joined charities, I went to conferences. Honestly if you ask me questions on that disease you’d think I was medically trained in it. It became an obsession, so I could support my little girl the best I could.
When I started the process of prosecuting my father, I had the same obsessive pattern kick in. What happens, when, how, timelines….terminology, process, sentences. I obsessively read things online every single day. If I went an hour in the day without Googling something, I’d be surprised. Then, 2 years later, when the case was heard at court….I was lost. My questions weren’t answered online, when I spoke with Victim Support they weren’t sure, my detective and legal team could only speculate on previous experience. For me, that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t good enough.
I am a very rational, calm, logical person. This went against everything I needed to function at a base level. What do you mean you don’t know when the trial will exactly start? What do you mean it might move days? Why on earth didn’t I know I had to queue with everyone else at court?
And those questions came after 2 years ... .so without further rambling, I want so desperately to help others in my shoes, in my husband’s shoes, my best friends’, mother’s, children’s, and sibling’s shoes. Creating somewhere that answers those questions, connects you to facts, processes, grants, communities, charities and most importantly, helps navigate through some of the really turbulent life moments we can go through.
This is your journey, no one else has ever been through exactly what you’re going through, no one else ever will, even though some might look similar. No one knows how you feel, no one ever will. But wouldn’t it be great to just be connected to something that understands just that? We’re alone in this, and that’s ok. Because alone together feels a damn sight better than alone alone.